marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
