Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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