So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why do cheetos always look like penises
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sext me about skeletons
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
