Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
