We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
