Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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