I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm like, not good at living.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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