The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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