:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So much rum. So many feels.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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