my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
