so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
