saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
vagina is talking i cant
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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