I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
