she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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