Apparently you make a good broom.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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