thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
