I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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