Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he laminated a picture of his dick.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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