she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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