I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
