yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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