guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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