I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
