A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
me + whiskey = a bad person
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
