Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
