Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
