Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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