you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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