Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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