He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
