false alarm. still invincible.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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