Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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