I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
