the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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