Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
