I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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