I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
only if we run a train.
done.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
