she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize