I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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