I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
