i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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