I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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