he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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