I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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