Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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