i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
