lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Randomize
