'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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