I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
