the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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