Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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