Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
