Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
