3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
