Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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