i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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