So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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