I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
