What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i came on her dog
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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