I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize