You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
