it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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