I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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