is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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