She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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